It's weird when the student becomes the teacher.

In the nearly 2 years since my Dad's passing, both my sister and I have done our best to support our mother through it all. We're also teaching her how to do more things for herself. My Dad was the kind of guy who took care of e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g. Mom has done well with taking care of the financials, replacing the hot water heater, replacing the AC/heating system, keeping up with car maintenance, etc. She's really has done well and her self-confidence has grown.

One area that is still hard for her is learning to do things alone. After having had someone to do things with for 45 years, it's been hard for her to just "go and do" without having someone "go and do" things with. I do things by myself, like traveling and dining out, frequently and am encouraging her to do the same. To me, there's nothing to it. You just do it. My sister and I can't always 'be there' to do things with and it is something she should learn to do.

For example:

My parents had the classic "golden years" and traveled frequently. They took a trip overseas once a year and made frequent road trips throughout the rest of the year. Obviously, that has stopped. But my Mom still has wanderlust in her and was whining complaining saying she needs to get away for a weekend. Last night we were talking about it and I had suggested she go to Ocean City, MD. It's a short enough drive and one she has done on her own when she went to visit my godparents last year. However, for this trip, she didn't want to impose on my busy godparents, but was hesitant to stay for 2 nights by herself in a hotel and eating dinners by herself. I was doing my usual "you can do it" pep talk. I'm trying to push her to do things, yet at the same time I don't want to push too hard or seem like a cold-hearted bitch. Yet, at the same time, she's not asking me directly to join her. It is somewhat frustrating.

Slightly off-topic: My parents liked to dine out frequently and that, too, has changed. After a few weeks of Mom whining complaining saying she couldn't remember the last time she ate out, she finally asked me to join her for dinner and I had immediately said YES. During that dinner when she thanked me, I told her all she had to do was ASK. She thought I had not gotten her not-so-subtle clues. I explained I was trying to get her to be direct by my not offering and waiting for her to ask. She understood and agreed she'd be more direct in the future.

So with regard to the trip to Ocean City, I was waiting for her to just ask me to join her as she's been whining complaining saying how badly she needed to get away. But I was also unsure of how confident she was and didn't want to push her too hard. So we had ended the conversation with "just think about it". I gave it all some more thought while I was cooking my dinner and gave her a call back.

"How about a compromise?" I said. We decided on a weekend where she'd drive out on a Friday, spend Friday night by herself, and I'd join her on Saturday morning and we'd drive back together on Sunday. [Hey, I love the beach, too!] This way, she does get her 2 nights, but one of them is by herself. We talked some more and I told her some of what is earlier in this entry. She knows I am doing my best to support her while pushing her to "go and do" without seeming like a cold-hearted bitch. She understands and appreciates all that my sister and I have done.

Life does change when the child is teaching the parent.

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